It is a sad fact that it's more socially acceptable to be your own biggest critic rather than your own biggest cheerleader. This creates a fertile environment for external criticism to make you doubt yourself more than it should. Here are some strategies you may have used to try and avoid the pain of criticism with varying degrees of success:
Get bitter and think of any critic as a hater just throwing envy and shade; recite the quote "Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from"
Channel your inner Goggins and use it as fuel to prove people wrong
Get equanimous and see every critic as a gift which you can learn from
Get psychoanalytical and think of criticisms as a window into the mind of other humans (bonus points for inferring sweeping generalisations about the public at large from whatever you read)
Be incredibly precise with language so no spare words which could be misconstrued are present
Front-run potential criticisms by caveating before speaking "Hey I'm just an idiot spitballing a broscience theory here."
Acknowledging both sides "I mean look, I think climate change/women's mental health/poverty in Africa is an important issue we should focus on too, but..."
Avoid exposing yourself to it: never search your own name on Twitter or Reddit, don't read the comments
Dampen down the edginess of your opinions and statements so the point gets made but in such a gentle way that people can't find anything sufficiently objectionable to get mad about
Deny that it gets to you and just breathwork/busy/meditate/scroll/BJJ your way into distraction
Take it to heart, doubt your abilities and fear that you're not cut out for any level of exposure at large
You can create all the life-history-informed explanations you want about feeling left out as a kid, needing to be perfect for your parents to notice you, anxious attachment, inferiority complexes, whatever. But in reality, you probably just really want to be accepted and have people like you. And when that gets threatened, it doesn't feel very nice.
It's common wisdom to say "the only criticisms that sting are the ones that are true" but I disagree. I think we feel even more indignant about criticisms which aren't true but that people may believe. The only thing worse than having your reputation risked for something shameful you did is having your reputation risked for something shameful you didn't do. Why on earth would you listen to the opinions of people who don't like you, don't understand what you're trying to achieve, don't have your best interests at heart and actively enjoy being mean? Because other people might believe their misjudgements.
So... go gentle with yourself when dealing with criticism. It's tough. And if your confidence has been hard-won, try to protect it appropriately.
Chris Williamson | @chriswillx